my mom just got pulled over by a cop oh dear god
I GOT IN TROUBLE WITH THE COP WHAT DID I DO I WASNT DRIVING
so apparently you can’t snicker while your parent is getting a ticket
how do i tell my mom that this “minimalist wooden nativity set” she put up just looks like a forest of dildos
you should start slowly adding actual dildos to the set and see if she notices
in case you ever wanted to know what mambo number 5 sounds like with all the instruments (including the drums) replaced with bike horns
it sounds like the song is going to kill you and it’s perfect
The lack of fucks he gives combined with the level of sass he practically sweats is the reason I love Nine more than anything.
Socially awkward penguin in action.
It just swims away in abject horror. SHIT SHIT SHIT I FUCKED IT UP SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING
NO, GOD DAMN IT, NO.
I WAS SETTLED WITH THE FACT THAT HIS EYES WERE GREEN. CANDY APPLE GREEN, FANFICTION GREEN, THE GREENEST GREEN TO EVER GREEN.
BUT THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, WAS IT? NOPE, NOW THEY’RE THE COLOUR OF OLD WHISKEY MATURED IN AN OAK BARREL. AND ALMOST PAINFULLY BEAUTIFUL.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR EYES, GOOD SIR.
arE WE NOT MENTIONING THE JAW THING OR
MAKE IT OUT LIKE I DESTROYED EARTH BUT IT WAS ONLY NEW YORK
“You fool. No man can kill me.”
How many times am I allowed to reblog this before it gets weird?
Fun facts: Tolkien constructed this scene because he came out of Macbeth thinking that Shakespeare had missed a golden opportunity with the ”Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn the power of man, for none of woman born shall harm Macbeth” prophecy
Being letdown by Macbeth is apparently a significant factor in Tolkien’s writing because the Ent/Huorn attack on Isengard was the result of his disappointment that the whole “til Birnam Wood come to Dunsinane” thing was just some dudes holding sticks and not actual ambulatory trees.
so he basically took his favorite shakespeare headcanons and put them into his AU fic
This revelation just knocked me over.